Recently I had a short conversation with someone dear to me about how she felt that she had “pigged out” that day. As I comforted her, I mentally made a list of the food I had eaten the same day. I used to be so upset that I couldn’t control my diet to lose weight. The thing is I’m an impulsive thinker; therefore, I don’t always stick to diets. She, however, has the ability to lose some serious weight with ease, it seems. So many females are constantly thinking about being skinny and how to get there. In fact, I think about this way more than I would like to admit. Especially, being someone who loves food. It is a constant conflict for me. I am not an unhealthy eater, but if I looked at food as fuel, which is it’s main purpose, then I wouldn’t be caring around the 15 extra pounds that I do right now. This could easily turn into a rant about how our society is all about a female body that is not realistic in anyway. I mean how many models are out there with my body type? I could count on one hand females that have a similar body as me. Even those famous females, however, are retouched to look way different from me in every magazine. However true this idea about our society maybe, I still don’t want my life to be about getting pissed off at society. I want to live in harmony.
When I shared my concerns about my eating habits with N, he replied “yea, but at least you’re not hungry” like the girls who deprive themselves to stay skinny. Aside from affirming that I married the right person, this comment also affirmed my belief about food. It’s not just fuel, it’s an experience. Why else would I continue to blog about it?
I’m. Not. Hungry.
I spent most of my college days trying to define what type of “girl” I was. I’m not the type to be in a sorority. I’m not the type that would brag about my accomplishments. I’m not a “girly girl”. I could hang with the boys and prided myself in being more comfortable around my guy friends than my girl friends. I’m not the type that would worry about what I eat. 8 years later, I don’t really care so much about what type of girl am I, but when my female friends lose weight suddenly, it bothers me still. I wish I could say that it doesn’t, but it does. It makes me feel bad about my eating habits.
So after my conversation with my loved one, I decided to look at my eating habits. I make 90 percent of my meals at home which is quite healthy. I use olive oil with 98 percent of my cooking which is healthy. I eat at least 3 vegetarian meals a week. I plan my meals every Sunday. I eat a banana every day. I eat vegetables with all my meals. I eat fish 1-2 times a week. I do eat pizza once every 2-3 weeks. I don’t drink soda or juice for that matter other than carrot juice. I love fruit and eat it 2 times a day at least. I don’t do any of this because I want to be skinny. I do it because I want to eat it and enjoy it.
So, no I’m not hungry. And no, my body is not perfect, but I am willing to accept myself as I am, extra 15lbs and all, today. I don’t plan on being that girl who is constantly wishing she were someone else or constantly watching what she eats. Instead, I live in harmony. Sometimes, all it takes is for me to slow down and look at reality to find that actually, I’m not hungry to be skinnier. I am hungry, however, for a meaningful experience and an unforgettable bite.