I recently went on a short trip with a few good friends. I think I’ve discovered the perfect combination for trips with friends as an adult: compromise, good food, good company, and 3-4 days. There’s something really fulfilling to stay up late talking to girl friends who really get you! On our trip, we stayed up almost every night having these wonderful conversations. It just so happens that we found each other due to circumstance-we used to work together-but have remained friends due to like mindedness. What made this trip even more amazing was the unpredictable fact that we are all in a similar place in life: attempting to find a career that really fits what we seek in life (balance, happiness, serenity). The whole time I kept thinking and feeling utter satisfaction and longing for the trip to last a little longer. But I have a feeling that had it lasted longer, I wouldn’t have felt the deep satisfaction because inevitably my ego would re-enter.
I left the trip rested and reflective. I used to believe that something was wrong with me for feeling things deeply. Throughout college I struggled with depression and then anxiety in grad school and beyond. I had this opinion of myself that I was over dramatic and kept my complete feelings to myself. While other times, when I did share, I harshly judged myself. In my 30’s, FINALLY, I am able to feel deeply, share, and be proud of this trait. When I loved someone, it used to be that I strangled and suffocated her or him with my love. However, thanks to my program and my new found spirituality my love is still deep, but I am understand that deeply satisfying moments must come to an end so that I can live the next day as a better person than I was the day before.
This is exactly what became of me after my delicious trip. I came back even more confident in my next chapter in life-to take a break from my current place and take some time to find something new or old that fits me better. I am grateful for my friendships. It is impossible to live in a world of people and living things and not need to rely on those same people and living things. Therefore, I am proud to say that I rely on my friends knowing that it makes me stronger, not weaker to need them. BUT my happiness and self-esteem does not rely on them; It is up to me to find happiness and love for myself and my life.